on the birds are still here by ay deee
7 Sep 2005, 8:10 PM
Hee hee. That's lovely.
on Baudelaire: The Albatross by Sasha
7 Sep 2005, 8:13 PM
For a translation insisting to rhyme, this is very good. One small wince is that in your version it sounds like it's only the crew of one ship that would do this, while in the original it's any old bunch of sailors.
on on the edge of creation by nentwined
12 Sep 2005, 7:11 PM
I really rather like this. Though the "(how did they get to my mountain)" I'm not sure about. Maybe break it into another line or something -- the rhythm seems off because that one line's so long.
on Tall Windows by tianyi
12 Sep 2005, 7:13 PM
Why the comma after "where"? I'm presuming that the last line is the direct continuation of the first, in which case it might be a thought to add a stanza break between the first and second lines.
on knowledge building on knowledge by nentwined
12 Sep 2005, 7:09 PM
Nice. I'm not sure about the title being one of the three lines, but hey...
on some deleted poem
22 Sep 2005, 8:13 AM
00769101
on Please Stay by pletcgm
20 Sep 2005, 8:53 PM
Okay. You're not rhyming. That's good. 'Bleeding a river of love' -- if it's flowing out and you're not going to love again, sure. 'Will you make my heart flutter' -- medically speaking, that's not a very good request.
on If I Were a Bird by TLRufener
20 Sep 2005, 8:54 PM
If you were a bird, you'd have a brain the size of a peanut! Oh, wait, how would that chanmge you?
Yawn yawn yawn. If you make it rhyme, you can send it to Hallmark.
Yawn yawn yawn. If you make it rhyme, you can send it to Hallmark.
on Nowhere Land by Caducus
20 Sep 2005, 8:59 PM
Hmm. That's quite fine. You still need to learn about apostrophes, but I gave up on that years ago.
Seriously, howe'er... The second stanza is a bit confused. The first two lines are fine. Then the third: what's was laid on the grave? The buds. Do the buds make the graves fragrant, or were they already? Was the love born on/in the graves? Not that I mind, I've nothing against necrophilia myself... 'to die in her today' ... Does that mean 'Love was born/to die in love's today' or 'Love was born/to die in [graves, autumn] on this day'? Or what?
I really like the penultimate line, but the last one seems to let it down a little.
Seriously, howe'er... The second stanza is a bit confused. The first two lines are fine. Then the third: what's was laid on the grave? The buds. Do the buds make the graves fragrant, or were they already? Was the love born on/in the graves? Not that I mind, I've nothing against necrophilia myself... 'to die in her today' ... Does that mean 'Love was born/to die in love's today' or 'Love was born/to die in [graves, autumn] on this day'? Or what?
I really like the penultimate line, but the last one seems to let it down a little.
on some deleted poem
20 Sep 2005, 9:00 PM
Personally, I don't like it, but I couldn't tell you why. there's nothing wrong with it; just not my style. Have a five so I don't harm its score either way.
on some deleted poem
22 Sep 2005, 8:18 AM
01709123
on some deleted poem
23 Sep 2005, 3:55 PM
0170D4A8
on untitled rhyme royal 2 by starkfister
23 Sep 2005, 3:58 PM
Ow. That's terrible. If you're going to use old-fashioned language, do it well.
Aside from that, an excellent first-person narrative of a dwarf performing cunnilingus on a grown woman. 8070F000
Aside from that, an excellent first-person narrative of a dwarf performing cunnilingus on a grown woman. 8070F000
on Rescue My Heart by pletcgm
23 Sep 2005, 3:58 PM
'Amassed with many feelings'?
on Rescue My Heart by pletcgm
23 Sep 2005, 3:59 PM
8074E000
on From Dust To Flesh To Texas by Caducus
23 Sep 2005, 4:04 PM
Nice, nice. Why the question mark at 'cross he carved'? The second last stanza doesn't seem to fit that well, though.
on Climate Control by MacFrantic
23 Sep 2005, 4:01 PM
Isn't it 'Bunyan'?