on OneLongDay by Iain
9 Apr 2007, 2:23 AM
The rhyme of 'pain' with 'Sylvain' forces me to assume that you mean the Arctic trip guaranteed very little French-made bread. This is a terrible situation to be in at any time of the month and I send my most heartfelt sympathies to all such sufferers.
on View From The Gutter by Skamper
7 Apr 2007, 6:28 AM
The cracks and crisscrossing and other initial images made me think you were actually going to describe the tarmac of the street as a metaphor for all this. As it is, it's alright but has been done a lot before.
on you've returned i'm glad by richa
7 Apr 2007, 6:22 AM
"because I am free they have won and so I"...? Am I being a dunce here?
Other than that, ace.
Other than that, ace.
on You can't send love to a voicemail. by drnick
7 Apr 2007, 6:18 AM
This is good. Your next challenge is to write a sequel including the words 'bunnies', 'sunshine' and 'April'. I know you can.
replying on A twisted Trail in Edenâs Garden by Dovina
27 Mar 2007, 2:23 AM
Then my degree is doomed :(
on Death Beseech You by polaroidmemory
27 Mar 2007, 2:22 AM
I never understand why people must always write about death and hate as though they are the worst things on this planet. What about indigestion, dammit? No-one ever thinks of the indigestion!!!!!!!!!!!!!
replying on A twisted Trail in Edenâs Garden by Dovina
27 Mar 2007, 2:19 AM
Is that not the meaning of life?
replying on Hairball by jessicazee
27 Mar 2007, 2:17 AM
Consider:
1) the meaning of 'rat', being a natural kind term, is fixed across all possible worlds. Therefore, to call it 'mouse' would still necessarily entail the meaning 'rat'.
2) the meaning of 'villanelle' is set by its inherent awesomeness, to call it a sonnet would be bow'ls.
3) the meaning of 'ace poeme' is set by the patented MEDIOCRITY CHECKLISTE, to deviate from such procedure will inevitably result in a protracted spell in the corner wearing the pointy hat of shame.
4) the meaning of 'haiku' relies on certain conditions specific to the linguistic devices of a certain culture, devices which are inaccessible to other cultures. Therefore, the term 'haiku' is not an universally fixed referent and can be acceptably altered in meaning outside of its natural habitat. Besides, saying that you shouldn't call something an haiku just because it's not in Japanese is like saying FitzGerald was totally, utterly morally wrong for his version of the Rubaiyat because it was NOT HOW THE AUTHOR WROTE IT!!!!!!!!!111oneone
If you were to say that, maybe, this should be a senryu rather than an haiku, then I'd listen.
1) the meaning of 'rat', being a natural kind term, is fixed across all possible worlds. Therefore, to call it 'mouse' would still necessarily entail the meaning 'rat'.
2) the meaning of 'villanelle' is set by its inherent awesomeness, to call it a sonnet would be bow'ls.
3) the meaning of 'ace poeme' is set by the patented MEDIOCRITY CHECKLISTE, to deviate from such procedure will inevitably result in a protracted spell in the corner wearing the pointy hat of shame.
4) the meaning of 'haiku' relies on certain conditions specific to the linguistic devices of a certain culture, devices which are inaccessible to other cultures. Therefore, the term 'haiku' is not an universally fixed referent and can be acceptably altered in meaning outside of its natural habitat. Besides, saying that you shouldn't call something an haiku just because it's not in Japanese is like saying FitzGerald was totally, utterly morally wrong for his version of the Rubaiyat because it was NOT HOW THE AUTHOR WROTE IT!!!!!!!!!111oneone
If you were to say that, maybe, this should be a senryu rather than an haiku, then I'd listen.
replying on Hairball by jessicazee
27 Mar 2007, 2:06 AM
prawne lube :-(
replying on weather poem part 3: the hurricane (renga) by nypoet22
25 Mar 2007, 1:11 PM
Syrup sugar drips from wounds
Feasting ants and wasps arrive
Feasting ants and wasps arrive
replying on Hairball by jessicazee
25 Mar 2007, 1:05 PM
Absolutely nothing wrong with ambiguity, as you'll know if you've read your Empson.
replying on Hairball by jessicazee
25 Mar 2007, 1:04 PM
Why does everyone have to try and write haiku exactly as the Japanese write it? I don't see what's so awfully horrendously terrible about writing a 5-7-5 poeme with Western devices and still calling it an haiku.
replying on Hairball by jessicazee
25 Mar 2007, 1:03 PM
lol
Enjoyable. I'm not certain that the title has any more bearing than association with some of the images, but it's probably worth more thought than I can give right now. 'Slide your new tongue between the cracks' made me think of weeds growing through paving slabs - but I'm not sure if you want that ambiguity (i.e. the contrast with 'a polished way to speak'). I think it works wonderfully though, and I do intend to think more about this later. One instant suggestion - you might want to get rid of 'the' from line 2; it could be a personal preference but I prefer as few definite articles as possible in a short space. Good poem.
on A twisted Trail in Edenâs Garden by Dovina
25 Mar 2007, 12:57 PM
I thought the title said 'A twisted Trail in Edna's Garden'. How terrifying would that be? As for the poeme itself, it's well written. If I were to be picky (and I am) then my only suggestion might be to change 'before' to something that doesn't start on a soft stress. It's not a particularly important crit though.
on Guarded Fool by drnick
25 Mar 2007, 12:53 PM
Like it. Reminds me of a passage from Slaughterhouse 5 - "How nice - to feel nothing, and still get full credit for being alive".
replying on the magic rock by nypoet22
25 Mar 2007, 12:48 PM
I don't see the problem.
replying on Writer's Block by cheese.doodles
22 Mar 2007, 1:40 PM
All poemes about goblins are fundamentally pornographic. You saw what that slag Rossetti wrote about.