on All A Mistake by Alyssa91
21 May 2003, 10:42 AM
an odd mix of trite and confusion. the cancer donation has me wondering.
on Paranoia by lastobelus
14 Mar 2003, 9:22 AM
reminded me of some of the DaDa poetry--I like the egg in the hair reference. You've captured paranoia here.
on van Gogh's Irises by lastobelus
14 Mar 2003, 9:19 AM
2nd line (in parentheses) is redundant with the title.
also, I suggest cutting "Some kind of" to strengthen the image of forgotten flags--and then ask yourself if the last two lines are truly needed for the meaning of the poem...
a valiant effort...you have a good grasp on imagery and "fresh" language.
also, I suggest cutting "Some kind of" to strengthen the image of forgotten flags--and then ask yourself if the last two lines are truly needed for the meaning of the poem...
a valiant effort...you have a good grasp on imagery and "fresh" language.
on Lately by lastobelus
14 Mar 2003, 9:16 AM
I believe that you could tie in the crumbling of crackers with the sand sifting.... just a thought. Other than that, I would suggest that you tighten tha language a little bit...Powerful images and overall well done. 8
on No more tears, or trail by Bachus
7 Mar 2003, 10:16 AM
not as good as it could be. this format may be too limiting to what you are trying to say.
on The unlucky Janitor haikus by Bachus
7 Mar 2003, 10:15 AM
different.
on The Beauty of His Last Night Wasted by OneFingerAnswer
7 Mar 2003, 10:14 AM
this really dosn't say anything.
on Love spank by Shardik
7 Mar 2003, 10:13 AM
know? you mean "no", i am certain.
on who? by Crakyamuni
7 Mar 2003, 10:12 AM
hrmmmm... syllables, OK... content - iffy, not very funny, really kind of mediocre.
on Dolly was a damn fine lamb by <{Baba^Yaga}>
7 Mar 2003, 7:51 AM
I think she looks good for her age.
(actuially i like this poem)
(actuially i like this poem)
on Aries, the God of war by Shardik
7 Mar 2003, 7:50 AM
Hoving?
No entry found for hoving.
4 suggestions found:
loving
moving
roving
homing
shoving?
you've masked the meaning too much, i think.
No entry found for hoving.
4 suggestions found:
loving
moving
roving
homing
shoving?
you've masked the meaning too much, i think.
on The Stand... an off rip by horus8
7 Mar 2003, 7:46 AM
much shorter than the original book. They could've saved a lot of paper.
on Harry Potter and the philosophers stone by ==Doylum
7 Mar 2003, 7:46 AM
I didn't read it--but it is not a haiku.
on Resurrection (for Gods Wife) by Mr Pig
7 Mar 2003, 7:45 AM
4
7
4
I see a pattern here - thematically and form wise.
I'm also curious as to how so many of yours keep coming up--it would explain how your numbers got so high.
7
4
I see a pattern here - thematically and form wise.
I'm also curious as to how so many of yours keep coming up--it would explain how your numbers got so high.
on Grampa's Proverb by OneFingerAnswer
7 Mar 2003, 7:41 AM
"a" rather than "his" perhaps?
on The Dark one's 2000th comment by <{Baba^Yaga}>
7 Mar 2003, 7:40 AM
I'm confused. thank you. confusion can be good sometimes.