on some deleted poem
22 Jun 2004, 11:23 AM
Wrong... Just Wrong...
How can you even begin to see Lord Of The Flies in just terms of good and evil? Its about so much more than such a simple thing as good and evil. Key Point Being children need guidance to become a part of Adult Society. Notice, the more Mature children are the last to give into being feral.
A -10- based on intelligent thought, but please Reread the book. I think you missed some of the gems written into it.
How can you even begin to see Lord Of The Flies in just terms of good and evil? Its about so much more than such a simple thing as good and evil. Key Point Being children need guidance to become a part of Adult Society. Notice, the more Mature children are the last to give into being feral.
A -10- based on intelligent thought, but please Reread the book. I think you missed some of the gems written into it.
on Mourning Sickness by Pervy Elf
7 Sep 2004, 9:10 AM
You need to either pick up the ryhme scheme, not bother with one at all, and change the type from free verse to pimple. -1- because it starts off like it has depth and quickly realizes that it doesn't want to share it. What Words? Who Hung up on you? Things like that are kinda important. Show me why you care at all that they hung. Your words are far to vague and underdeveloped as this piece stands. Rewrite it, like you mean it for god's sake. Put some passion behind your wording, turn a phrase or two, like a poet is meant to or label it correctly as a pimple so that you don't come off as a total putz when real poets or even just anyone whose read a real poem, read your scrawlings.
<3 Jason
<3 Jason
on Leaving and Coming by Spindle
7 Sep 2004, 9:18 AM
Ryhme Scheme? a-b-a-b a-b-c-b a-b-c-d? What are you thinking? Details? Him, Them, gonna be great, what the hell? Add some. Potential is there just really sloppy writing. This isn't one of those poems that was ment to be so crypticly vague that even the writer won't know what its about after a week or two is it?
-3- for now. Rewrite, Rewrite, and Rewrite. Your words and depth will only get better because of it.
<3 Jason
-3- for now. Rewrite, Rewrite, and Rewrite. Your words and depth will only get better because of it.
<3 Jason
on Licking An Ashtray by Blindpoetry
7 Sep 2004, 9:26 AM
Loved it despite or perhaps because of the many typos. Expecially the depth and the styling, but the ending was the best part. A real plot twist, but so obvious when you think of the character's first thoughts. Plus the fact that its all thoughts, although I think the last line should have been "". -10- for a splendid poem.
on some deleted poem
7 Sep 2004, 9:28 AM
I liked the first half but it really gave me an expectation of better for the second half -8-
<3 Jason
<3 Jason
on some deleted poem
7 Sep 2004, 9:48 AM
Something bothers me about the first verse, but I'm really not sure what. -10-
on Into My World by sliver
7 Sep 2004, 9:52 AM
Loved the Renee Blue Eyes down the side bit.
on repeated sins, repeated prayer by oneglove
14 Oct 2004, 5:06 PM
Last Stanza, "Allow 'Your' grace", other than that, a nice prayer. -8-
on the monster by oneglove
14 Oct 2004, 5:12 PM
Reminds me of alot of Beowulf. I would have called it Grendel.
on Archivist of Emotion by Dovina
14 Oct 2004, 5:24 PM
illumined? Its nice writing but it sounds a little forced.
<3 Jason
<3 Jason
on some deleted poem
18 Dec 2004, 12:21 AM
Wow. I love couplets
on The Downfall of a Pagan Man by somemorepoetry
18 Dec 2004, 2:49 PM
Looks like somebody found them self a muse.
on some deleted poem
18 Dec 2004, 2:55 PM
"I 'will' never leave your side" Other than that Amazing.
on some deleted poem
18 Dec 2004, 2:58 PM
Doesn't that always suck. -10-
on Storms by Jeremi B. Handrinos
29 Dec 2004, 2:06 AM
Freaky twist at the end
on Betwixt and In Between by dougsoderstrom
29 Dec 2004, 2:15 AM
Fuck your "Buddhuist-oriented Christian Humanism", buddist don't believe in souls. And let me ask you Doug, What difference, huh? What? The fact that your writing crappy marked to crash and burn poems, yea you deserve capped on.
on Disable by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.
8 Jan 2005, 6:42 PM
Now thats original. No mistaking that for some one else's qoute, what so ever. Seriously nice parity.
<3 Jason
<3 Jason
<3 Jason