| Re: THE MISSING HEART by Prince of Void |
17-Dec-02/11:37 AM |
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
17-Dec-02/11:31 AM |
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sorry, umm. no thanks. :) [or is that: no! down boy, down! no sun/son for you today!]
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| Re: Ever Felt by nightii |
17-Dec-02/11:19 AM |
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interesting. I'd like these three images to be more intertwined, somehow. 7
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| Re: Seasons by impaired |
17-Dec-02/11:14 AM |
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sorry. umm. it's pretty, but I couldn't make my way through "yet another seasons poem" (though I know I'm also to blame for writing such things...) maybe if you clothed it more esoterically, or obfuscated it through stronger metaphor?
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| Re: terrorism and break dancing by w~* ATHENA *~w |
17-Dec-02/11:11 AM |
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I liked it up until "there was a summer I learned to like beer" -- that threw me off of the rhythm I'd build up, and... dunno, randomized everything else to dust.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
17-Dec-02/11:12 AM |
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anything with nascent and butterflies gets kudos from me. (well, no, not anything, but I like it) -- the subject I think is a bit tired, and could possibly benefit from more of the playful treatment you start the piece out with.
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| Re: Love is just a word by trev086 |
17-Dec-02/11:16 AM |
love is definitely a word used too much. especially for poems.
I'd recommend trying to work on the rhythm of this piece so that it flows more naturally. (try reading it outloud and see where you stumble... count syllables and compare stress if you're really bored...)
beyond that, eh.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
17-Dec-02/11:21 AM |
bare -> bear.
seems a little forced, and the rhythm fell apart here and there... I can't say I took anything from it.
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
17-Dec-02/11:22 AM |
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I wrote like this when I was in middleschool. I liked it then.
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| Re: Deaf by sav876 |
17-Dec-02/11:24 AM |
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a try. I like the sentiment of the last line and how it puts some twist on the rest, but... the rhymes feel canned, the rhythm flat...
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
17-Dec-02/11:31 AM |
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"In your shoes I'll walk a mile" -- this line made me stop reading. a) forced into a 'poetic' form, b) cliche. try to say it some other way? or simpler?
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| Re: The Phoebe Snow by horus8 |
17-Dec-02/11:32 AM |
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cute, but the last stanza didn't wrap it together for me. 6
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| Re: making progress (a piece of it) by Limness |
17-Dec-02/11:33 AM |
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this isn't amazingly original, but it's very pretty; well done, really. 8
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
17-Dec-02/11:35 AM |
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too high-and-mighty-for me. eh. felt like bad death metal lyrics, honestly, even with the "postitive" tone.
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| Re: The Dreamer by Nicholas Jones |
17-Dec-02/11:40 AM |
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| Re: Surreal... by Yardbird |
17-Dec-02/11:47 AM |
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good surreal, but no rhyming?
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| regarding some deleted poem... |
17-Dec-02/11:13 AM |
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| Re: Swimming by [mojo] |
17-Dec-02/11:17 AM |
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I almost REALLY like this. :/ it doesn't flow pleasantly for me, but ... almost. 7
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| Re: Epitome of Pathetic by royalflesh |
17-Dec-02/11:17 AM |
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| Re: happy hour by Limness |
17-Dec-02/11:22 AM |
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