on THE MISSING HEART by Prince of Void
17 Dec 2002, 11:37 AM
THIS HURTS.
on some deleted poem
17 Dec 2002, 11:31 AM
sorry, umm. no thanks. :) [or is that: no! down boy, down! no sun/son for you today!]
on terrorism and break dancing by w~* ATHENA *~w
17 Dec 2002, 11:11 AM
I liked it up until "there was a summer I learned to like beer" -- that threw me off of the rhythm I'd build up, and... dunno, randomized everything else to dust.
on some deleted poem
17 Dec 2002, 11:12 AM
anything with nascent and butterflies gets kudos from me. (well, no, not anything, but I like it) -- the subject I think is a bit tired, and could possibly benefit from more of the playful treatment you start the piece out with.
on Love is just a word by trev086
17 Dec 2002, 11:16 AM
love is definitely a word used too much. especially for poems.
I'd recommend trying to work on the rhythm of this piece so that it flows more naturally. (try reading it outloud and see where you stumble... count syllables and compare stress if you're really bored...)
beyond that, eh.
I'd recommend trying to work on the rhythm of this piece so that it flows more naturally. (try reading it outloud and see where you stumble... count syllables and compare stress if you're really bored...)
beyond that, eh.
on some deleted poem
17 Dec 2002, 11:21 AM
bare -> bear.
seems a little forced, and the rhythm fell apart here and there... I can't say I took anything from it.
seems a little forced, and the rhythm fell apart here and there... I can't say I took anything from it.
on some deleted poem
17 Dec 2002, 11:22 AM
I wrote like this when I was in middleschool. I liked it then.
on some deleted poem
17 Dec 2002, 11:31 AM
"In your shoes I'll walk a mile" -- this line made me stop reading. a) forced into a 'poetic' form, b) cliche. try to say it some other way? or simpler?
on The Phoebe Snow by horus8
17 Dec 2002, 11:32 AM
cute, but the last stanza didn't wrap it together for me. 6
on making progress (a piece of it) by Limness
17 Dec 2002, 11:33 AM
this isn't amazingly original, but it's very pretty; well done, really. 8
on some deleted poem
17 Dec 2002, 11:35 AM
too high-and-mighty-for me. eh. felt like bad death metal lyrics, honestly, even with the "postitive" tone.
on The Dreamer by Nicholas Jones
17 Dec 2002, 11:40 AM
very well done. 9
on Music That Cannot Exist by Fetylum
16 Dec 2002, 10:36 AM
this is definitely strange, and makes me want to add a "comments from the author" section so folks can get what you're trying to say and give better feedback.
I really like the "plot" of this piece, and I like the device of interpersing dialog. Some of the images are a bit obscure for me to get, though it can be argued that that's a desirable thing.
I really like the "plot" of this piece, and I like the device of interpersing dialog. Some of the images are a bit obscure for me to get, though it can be argued that that's a desirable thing.
on some deleted poem
17 Dec 2002, 11:13 AM
hmm.
on Epitome of Pathetic by royalflesh
17 Dec 2002, 11:17 AM
cute. well done. :) 9
on happy hour by Limness
17 Dec 2002, 11:22 AM
cubefarm. eh.