internal rhyme in a haiku? nifty. :)

This is by Sandra Lewis Pringle.

Adding one word to a poem is not a significant change. This is "Realizing Love" by Richard Sheak.

This anonymously authored poem appears to be older than this poster.

that's certainly long. good progression. very good progression, really, in terms of images/concepts. I don't think the words work very well for me, or the flow on the line/stanza level. Too much is told, for me.

The English of this piece is very awkward. Reads like a school assignment? Not sure you meant dolor or color (though both work about as well?) They end-rhymes (and near rhymes) feel very forced (and AABB tends to jump out as juvenile when reading something).

funny that. random with a hint of purpose (I smell porpoise). I'd like to know a little more about what you got designed... maybe. :)

I'm possibly missing a lot, here.

The first stanza and three quarters really work, though I wouldn't expect them too. You're losing it for me where you break from the form and rhythm you've set up ((any form is tenuous and has a lot to prove about itself... and when you drop it, if that's not intrinsically meaningful, ...))

Interesting, though.

Could be good lyrics. The randomness of what you grasp at is the main detractor for me--I can't gel any particular image/meaning/point out of the poem, and that makes any possible insights ... less.

"she doesn't she that" -> "she doesn't see that"
cant -> can't

...

This belongs pretty perfectly in the pimple category. It's a common enough place/time/emotion, more for the writer of the poem than anyone else.

the tears aren't for him, really. and this poem isn't for anyone but the writer.

"I know this sounds unbelievably cheesy,
And extremely cliche,"

ding! :)

No real offense intended, and nothing to do with your situation, just the poem--it's a pimple, through and through.

"liking me for who it is I want to be." <-- an interesting line

"I need you like a fat kid needs cake," <-- less so, unless that's the feel you're going for throughout

plausible.

this has something, though I think you're going concrete as opposed to free verse? and I'm not really getting the concrete image except for a vague separation of things...

funny, but not funny enough. :)

I'm with impert&ent. Except no real points for the tractor in the title. Congratulations! :)

less drugs? different drugs? more drugs? I don't know! Aieeeeee!

that certainly seems to sum up a fair amount of it.

Does that mean hope is the fountain of youth?