on Luicidity by LucidRevelation
5 Jul 2002, 10:20 AM
beautiful. =)
on Another Faceless Vulgar by danzigg
5 Jul 2002, 10:19 AM
Overall, I like this, but I'm not sure where South Station is and how it relates to the rest of the piece. Also, I like a bit more cadence in what I read and I couldn't find it here.
on Your judge is you by dilips_10
27 Jun 2002, 2:49 PM
a good point, but I couldn't get into the feel of the piece.
on Hey! by Cha no Onna
27 Jun 2002, 2:48 PM
Hey, I like this. =)
on The MV-perience by Modulo
20 Jun 2002, 12:56 PM
I can't figure out the point-of-view or context for this.
on every bite remembers in my skin by silvertongueddevil
20 Jun 2002, 12:53 PM
your's is not a word. ["your is"? makes no sense]
tongue plunging into cream isn't an image I grok.
this poem reads jerkily, almost painfully, but... that works. I think I'd still prefer it if it flowed more easily, but. that might just be me.
tongue plunging into cream isn't an image I grok.
this poem reads jerkily, almost painfully, but... that works. I think I'd still prefer it if it flowed more easily, but. that might just be me.
on Waiting to understand by Cha no Onna
20 Jun 2002, 12:51 PM
yesterwhen? yesterwhen. I like that.
the piece is interesting, but I couldn't get into it.
the piece is interesting, but I couldn't get into it.
on To the Storm - A Final Prayer by Satine
20 Jun 2002, 12:49 PM
s1 line 4 breaks the rhythm you were building. "lightning flashes true its lies" is awkward and confusing, for me -- true can mean different things, and which it you're referring to can be taken different ways...
s4 line 4 also has an extra syllable ... or if it doesn't (i'm not counting) it sure feels like it does.
overall, I found the poem sweet if a bit simplistic. If I hadn't stumbled over the three things above I think I would have liked it more.
s4 line 4 also has an extra syllable ... or if it doesn't (i'm not counting) it sure feels like it does.
overall, I found the poem sweet if a bit simplistic. If I hadn't stumbled over the three things above I think I would have liked it more.
on i am on the carpet by silvertongueddevil
12 Jun 2002, 2:24 AM
this I really, really like. =)
on endless eternity: by Sapphire
12 Jun 2002, 2:22 AM
"suckles of" -> "suckles off"
"natures" -> "nature's"
"all the while man remains blind" -- flow seems off here. and on the next line. actually, from there down, it seems a bit off.
"natures" -> "nature's"
"all the while man remains blind" -- flow seems off here. and on the next line. actually, from there down, it seems a bit off.
on frustration is the lamp i'm holding by silvertongueddevil
12 Jun 2002, 2:21 AM
cute. :)
on Angelic Triumvirate by Sterling5583
12 Jun 2002, 2:13 AM
this seems extremely forced.
on Fascination by ObiWonKn
12 Jun 2002, 2:09 AM
well put.
on Drinking Gravel by unknown
12 Jun 2002, 2:07 AM
I have to give this one a definite thumbs "huh?".
on Lowest Common Currency by unknown
12 Jun 2002, 12:37 AM
erm, huh?
on A Storm For Me by KatieKaBoom
12 Jun 2002, 12:36 AM
(it's == it is; its == possessive)
cute. I like the dark tint to it; think you could develop that.
cute. I like the dark tint to it; think you could develop that.
on For settle by gothwalk
12 Jun 2002, 12:25 AM
third line falters for me with "that the" -- it's hard to read it with the proper stress.
the rest is cute... though sixty-nine packets?
the rest is cute... though sixty-nine packets?
on Summertime by KatieKaBoom
10 Jun 2002, 6:24 PM
I don't get the "and so clearly defined" in the context of the rest of the piece.
on Eggshells in Wet Grass by ObiWonKn
8 Jun 2002, 3:40 PM
interesting. i find my thoughts dancing through it. :)
on Dragon's Dream by HolyKnightOfFaith
7 Jun 2002, 11:53 PM
one syllable shy of a haiku?