on to my best friend david by wowzers718
24 Oct 2003, 7:39 PM
Are you Crystal Lane Swift in disguise?
on rainfall saga 7 by Bill Z Bub
24 Oct 2003, 6:27 PM
What the hell did you guys smoke in Niagara? Was it you that jumped the falls and survived. Did you bang your head? Did you?
replying on rainfall saga 1 by Bill Z Bub
24 Oct 2003, 6:21 PM
yeah, like a poem!
on Nothing beat the 90's for An over view of American culture by Shardik
24 Oct 2003, 6:14 PM
Rather straight forward and not wholly original by any means, but not bad. I would curb the didactic diddling toward the end.
replying on Toku by Bill Z Bub
21 Oct 2003, 9:45 PM
Toku sounds Japanese or a shortened version of such, not primal, unless you think Asian names in their guttural stress patterns come of in a prehistoric or ancient fashion. I am not sure it does. You are correct in one aspect. We are discussing issues in the poem, as we did in the other of issues that do not merit debate. If you are good with the poem, okay. But frankly I think it could use more Toku and less NATURE. The idea is good, and you filling in the perceptions are good, but I am not so sure the poem is in this state. Just an opinion. And Maiden sounds odd even though I know it fits into a kings and queens primal sense. Iâd rather debate you poems. They are closer to being finished.
replying on Toku by Bill Z Bub
21 Oct 2003, 7:58 PM
And what the hell is the Maiden? Nature? If so, that is funny.
replying on Toku by Bill Z Bub
21 Oct 2003, 7:57 PM
I disagree with you and hatter's hare. Bub and Richa I think fall into the same category, although the bub utilizes more concrete language. Their poems are fragmented. Well thought out in their heads, but incomplete at times on paper. You can disagree all you want, but the fact is the picture makes the poem make sense. Look at some of the other comments. We donât know who Toku is thus the exuberance is nil. You simply mentioning a name and screaming out NATURE in my mind doesnât complete the poem or capture completely the rawness of the moment. With the picture I see who this guy is and the body langue in the photos, etc, etc, that isnât in the poem. The image could be more complete.
on lame ass shit by FreeFormFixation
21 Oct 2003, 7:54 PM
See the Bitch! poem comment of using a title as a final tag line and ultimately a young cop out for a poem that would probably work better as a lyric.
replying on Toku by Bill Z Bub
21 Oct 2003, 7:51 PM
ROBERT Bly is a goof.
replying on Toku by Bill Z Bub
21 Oct 2003, 7:37 PM
Iron John is a book by Robert Bly. The other point stands.
on bitch! by Freethinker1602
21 Oct 2003, 7:21 PM
Is this a poem or simply a collection of statements with a tag line at the end? I need to know.
on Toku by Bill Z Bub
21 Oct 2003, 7:16 PM
The fact that Z has to send/post a picture of the event for the poem to really to take hold hurts the poem. Maybe you could give the reader just a bit more to make it make sense of what and why it (i.e. âNatureâ is being said. I am afraid that the name just doesnât cut it. Of course, I am sure hatterâs hare will disagree, but what does she know, she only drinks pilsner. I think we get that idea when we look at the picture, but alone I think the poem fails. Initially I was afraid you had holed up in the john with a tattered copy of âIron Johnâ.
on Evel Knievel's last bananna split   by horus8
21 Oct 2003, 7:11 PM
Daring!!!!! Original!~!!! Super!!!!
on Mr. America (Hunting Season) by SupremeDreamer
21 Oct 2003, 7:10 PM
Considering it is painfully obvious from your imagery that you have never hunted before and are relying of clichéd observations from your past and maybe the dictionary, the fact that you use it as the base metaphor for what you are trying to say is, how I should put this, ridiculous. Thanks for you time. Rally other than that it is quite lovely. And such original thinking.
on You'd sell more hats, mugs, and shirts if they said... by Shardik
20 Oct 2003, 10:42 PM
So what.
replying on Drug Addict by SupremeDreamer
20 Oct 2003, 10:39 PM
"self pity is cliche ridden" is a fallacy.
"sarcasm hasnt been as viciouse untill you came along" - I have always been here.
"sarcasm hasnt been as viciouse untill you came along" - I have always been here.
on When I say I'm a 14 yr old girl I mean 75 year old man by Shardik
20 Oct 2003, 10:04 PM
Cutting edge!!!!!!!! Super!!!!!!
replying on Drug Addict by SupremeDreamer
20 Oct 2003, 2:38 PM
Have Mr. Fire put it to work and I shall.