thepinkbunnyofdoom
on Feeling the dark by Mutant_X
11 Apr 2003, 10:08 PM
Been There ALOT. -10-
Excellent on so many levels. 10 in my eyes.
Fine Fine Weed That You Smoke -9-
The wording at the end is a bit confusing. Try keeping to one tense per line(i.e. and why everything we did or said just hurts us more) either drop the s on hurts or change did and said to do or say. Lose the "it" and/or the "right" in the last line. They just muddle your point.
you've really outdone yourself this time...
Very nice
Oh, and the exclamation was such a perfect fit, it made me laugh and respect you. Cheers.
/mp3/The Crutchling.mp3
Ignite this.
Somebody has been to block buster recently. Sounds a little too close to the movie. There are only 9 I hates tho. Why not add one and be that much closer?
Wow, three fantastic poems. You really worked out the flow of conversation. A delight. 10
Belly grabs me, and casket.
Great use of the sound in words.
black & white
stripped, and pinned.
eerie upright...
close, hide, awaken.
the way her eyes darkened.
your words are beautiful. They ring, like a peal bells, or laughter.
suckmychucks
on OK, I apologize - it's steaming shite and no mistake, but it was the best I could come up with on the spur of the moment. I'm off to slit my wrists now, since writer's block has sent me spiralling into the depths of the deepest depression in human history... by Yardbird
11 Apr 2003, 9:13 PM
this limerick makes me want to hurt myself.
timing is everything and you have nothing.
I think this sounds alot like some of your other work but still very touching
This is now a song in the illtunes section of gangbox.com enjoy. song 80.
god'swife
on OK, I apologize - it's steaming shite and no mistake, but it was the best I could come up with on the spur of the moment. I'm off to slit my wrists now, since writer's block has sent me spiralling into the depths of the deepest depression in human history... by Yardbird
11 Apr 2003, 10:11 PM
My writing sucks.
god'swife
on OK, I apologize - it's steaming shite and no mistake, but it was the best I could come up with on the spur of the moment. I'm off to slit my wrists now, since writer's block has sent me spiralling into the depths of the deepest depression in human history... by Yardbird
11 Apr 2003, 10:09 PM
Haha hohohohohohoho.....heheheheheee.
That was great!
The Harvard Lampoon would be proud, you've read 'Bored of the Rings' I suppose?
I wouldn't say that just not well
I read this and You just seem to be repeating your other works. No new thought, no New way of expressing the same thought.