Re: Fumble at the Lounge by Rodavlas	nentwined 66.92.183.34	28-Jun-04/7:47 PM
The metaphor is somewhat interesting, but overall it doesn't have enough rhythm for me; the lines jerk from one to the next. The half-rhyme of 'couch' and 'pout' really doesn't work for me. I think the poem could be more interesting if you explored the metaphor a bit more directly and left the broad statements to be assumed. Hope this is somewhat helpful...
Re: Chin-up by Rodavlas	nentwined 66.92.183.34	28-Jun-04/7:49 PM
somewhat catchy. a bit kitschy as well; the chin-up/move-out has a nice rhythm to it, though.
Re: Thinking for you by J.B. Manning	horus8 24.130.62.63	29-Jun-04/12:04 AM
Actually, not bad, it's a shame your ass aint rad. Like mine, in lime, for niggers thirsting -- a lemon fizzy blast of white crack and pink ass.
Re: Nasty Pussy (Just sick and wrong) by LuckyJoe	horus8 24.130.62.63	29-Jun-04/12:05 AM
"Cave bacon" is naturally bitchin'.
Re: Oldfinger by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.	Stephen Robins 213.146.148.199	29-Jun-04/5:44 AM
You used to be really shit.
Re: The Weaver's Curse by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.	Stephen Robins 213.146.148.199	29-Jun-04/5:45 AM
You were still writing absolute shite.
Re: Ethnic Smells by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.	Stephen Robins 213.146.148.199	29-Jun-04/5:46 AM
Your first decent poeme.
regarding some deleted poem...	Dovina 24.52.157.176	29-Jun-04/9:02 AM
Great picture of growing up in the inner city.
regarding some deleted poem...	zodiac 65.161.41.48	28-Jun-04/5:25 PM
What's this I've found in my snatch? I can't tell - has anyone got a match? Is it a sin to do it anally? Can I really speak any way but banally?
Re: The Death of Love by donmiguel1960	Shuushin 147.154.235.53	28-Jun-04/5:25 PM
really aught to reword that "whom" line, even if it is correct it is awkward in this context, imho. Not crazy about breathing devoid, either - sorry.
regarding some deleted poem...	Dovina 24.52.157.176	28-Jun-04/2:03 PM
I think the message would be clearer if you scratch these lines: If fat is strong and strong undesirable. Why lose your chest to show wasting legs? She intimidates small men. Line 3: "she envies girls" But it might be better using "you" all the way through.
Re: Niggers Don't Write Poetry by pain killer	richa 81.178.206.232	28-Jun-04/2:50 PM
If you wrote this in negrese it would better convey that this poeme is about some negro (you) slagging of 'honkies' for misappropriating his 'culture'. Which would be incredibly deep. Also it is axl rose. There is an easy anagram to help you remember for goodness sake.
regarding some deleted poem...	edpeterson 68.79.21.177	28-Jun-04/3:25 PM
i have come to expect much better from you than this watery slush of sentiment.
Re: Captain Napkin Starring In "The Passion Of Napkin" by horus8	Doug 149.174.164.65	28-Jun-04/4:29 PM
How bout flush this poem instead. Sincerely:( Pale Jizzbomb
Re: Commandment One by TLRufener	donmiguel1960 68.96.168.211	28-Jun-04/4:38 PM
Why do you feel this way
Re: Black streets of Hackney by cpill	horus8 24.130.62.63	28-Jun-04/5:05 PM
Dear GOD!!!! NOT STREWN!!!! ...? Anything but that.
Re: Commandment One by TLRufener	Shuushin 147.154.235.53	28-Jun-04/5:28 PM
Sheepheard is, wrong. The premise of writing to something one doesn't believe in gives me pause. Though I did like that "Dear God" song a while back.
regarding some deleted poem...	Shuushin 147.154.235.53	28-Jun-04/5:31 PM
Liking the sci-fi feel to it. I think u use cigarette butts once too many times, though. I will have to look up "elote".
regarding some deleted poem...	Shuushin 147.154.235.53	28-Jun-04/5:33 PM
Not sure why this is getting eviscerated - plenty of good in it and the ending cadence is spot-on. I don't read it as a rant against fat people, not at all.
Re: Black streets of Hackney by cpill	Shuushin 147.154.235.53	28-Jun-04/5:54 PM
Well, a sonnet. But the identical rhyme , and wait - well, no rhyme scheme either. Hmm. The language sounds like you are faking things English, strangely enough. It is almost good, but somehow it smells crippled - mayhaps on purpose.