frdup717
on The Plum by ruella
29 Jul 2004, 9:03 PM
i never really noticed.
my preferred translation of your luscious title is 'death melts everything' (6 years of Latin not for nothing)... if only this were a poem about microwaves.
cryptic likes a monkey
i love this!!!!!
very deep.dark.sexy.
this is one of the best i've read in a while
your right about the tweek
i knew it sounded off somehow
"and of your beauty and grace."
meter needs tweekin, maybe... :
"your beauty and your grace"
Good for what it is.
Yeah, it's clearly missing the WIIFM factor.
The condemnation is coming from the good news/bad news doctor. Why? Because the central character is clearly at fault for the bad news - that his bones are like rubber. Whose bones? Why, the water dragon's bones, of course.
Geez, it's becoming cryptic even to me now!
Maybe too cryptic. I can see how it might cathartic somehow, but - "what's in it for me?"
"audible hint of condemnation"... what is that, exactly?
Interesting even after my gripes, has a nice cadence - I just want it to mean something without too much trouble (some, is fine).
Thanks for the suggestions! Any advice on my latest submission...???
Nicely done!
You're such a fag.
I Cream.....
I cream whene'er my gland's in yours,
or 'pon your d'formèd face.
I cream into your Sunday drawers,
which feels unb'liev'bly ace.
I cream all o'er the gloves you wear
e'en though they're hard t'replace.
Your voids I fill with my Swiss roll
'Til cream's all 'bout the place.
-10-
i enjoyed this
reminds me that im not alone in such a lonely world
-=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.
replying on Four and a half paragraphs of silence by ?-Dave_Mysterious-?
29 Jul 2004, 2:58 PM
And preferably travelling away at a significant portion of the speed of light, so that there was a Doppler effect on the sound of the poem.
a pimple?
to me it sounded like waking up
and realizing that your life isn't what you thought it was.
or....it could just be about a pimple.:)lol (j/k)
very good i enjoyed it!
huh?
i like it
but i dont get it!
I wasn't really seeing any 'pretend' in the world. It was more an appreciation of nature's beauty than man's... and how I as a man (and more particularly as the man I am) couldn't hold a candle to the flame of a candle, or the simplest flower; and how even household names are nowhere near as long-lived as common grass. And things such as that. Perhaps.
that's really good ..i think some poets had already done that ..I am glad that u try to do sth different from the other .