thepinkbunnyofdoom
on dazed by nolan
29 Mar 2003, 8:03 AM
Wasn't expecting the ending. You slipped that one right past me. Though it makes sense. -9-
Hmmm... Amazingly not too lame. In fact I ratter liked it. -9-
Huh? If? Wha? Nevermind confused. It seems to make sense to me but something is nagging at me about it. -10-
till I figure out what it is(that could take awhile) :)
Alright Lyrics -7-
Oh dear child. I had hoped I'd never have to explain this to anyone ever again. Its not love if you have to ask!! Not to mention you give no detail, nadda, none. This is for all intents and purposes a look at the thoughts inside a teenage adolesant mind. Your giving us shallow thoughts with nothing to base them on. No concept of a landscape inside your head or much less of the world around you. If this isn't the worst poem ever written I'll bet its close. -0-
Glad your working on new peversions but... I agree these aren't your best but I realise it must be a hard to come up unusal fetishes and five line ways to describe them. -8-
P.S. I know someone who can do the last one. He says it gives him a cramp in the neck.
nice
This poem is written in a much more free, undetered style than your others, and I like that a lot. Details such as "Panties on the floor, a sock on the nightstand," were awesome and really generated feelings for me. But I think you should have used that more. Some of the metaphors and imagery didn't help me at all to grasp the feeling you were trying to get across, whereas, the details about what the narrator was leaving at home, really gave me something. I think also, some of the semicolons were unecessary. Overall, this poem is pretty good, but it would be better if you'd kept the freer language flowing throughout.
LMFAO!!!!!!!!!
nice :)
Your right. I was just looking at Exit most quiveringly Clean, and the Tunnel of Worm. I'm used to calling my bum an exit only and Do Not Enter. The Tunnel of Worm <-combined with the exit remark, Tape worms being defecated, and the fact that your fecal matter slowly crawls thru your body like a worm. I comepletely missed clit-feeding. My mistake.
Alas, I'm afraid these aren't your best, darlink. 1's alright, 2's somewhat obscure and boring, and 3's nothing special. Though funny.
Is Hank one of your acquaintances? If so, please don't tell me which one.
Hi Zzinnia,
Thanks for the comments, honest critique is always welcome.
I'm kind of like han solo. Always playing with my wookie. my name is jimmy pop bitch, but you can call me cookie.
Fascinating
No, quite frankly, I don't know what I'm talking about. I don't even know what I'm doing anymore. I walked into the kitchen this afternoon after work and asked my son why there were dirty pots on the stove and dry noodles all over the floor. He told me I made some soup for him last night around 10pm because he was hungry. I don't remember any of it. The same thing happened last weekend. I called my best-friend at 3am ranting and crying. He finally talked me into going to bed. He came over the next morning because he was so concerned, I couldn't remember a damned thing. Estoy loca con dolor. Se me parte el corazon. I am drunk with anguish, and though it is no excuse for behaving badly, there it is. Please forgive me, I'm very sorry for lashing out at you and making a fool of myself. I do remember writing those comments, but they make no sense to me now.
'as every...' is a strong line, Nntwnd. I think there's more to this poem in your head; I'd like to read it.
just for that comment, i may have to break my rule.
what? "renigger"?