on Oops by John Rambo
23 Mar 2007, 9:08 PM
LMAO...well constructed, story told to great effect!
on some deleted poem
23 Mar 2007, 9:10 PM
Not bad! Bit of a giggle...
on You can't send love to a voicemail. by drnick
30 Mar 2007, 4:13 PM
Loving the title, so direct and harsh!
Last line throws me a little though, not sure why, but if I replace 'just wait' with 'hang on' I get it to flow better. Plus it ties in with being on the phone if you know what I mean?
Last line throws me a little though, not sure why, but if I replace 'just wait' with 'hang on' I get it to flow better. Plus it ties in with being on the phone if you know what I mean?
on Oliver by Stephen Robins
23 Mar 2007, 9:12 PM
Self wrapping is easiest, less costly if you can grasp the ribbon with one hand and teeth...
on some deleted poem
23 Mar 2007, 9:24 PM
happiness - a concept
under-rated
never gained
by those who
over-played it...
Nice write! Ever think the 9 baskets was enough?
under-rated
never gained
by those who
over-played it...
Nice write! Ever think the 9 baskets was enough?
on some deleted poem
23 Mar 2007, 9:28 PM
lollipops prevent the foolish from dribbling...A gob-stopper for all those who missed the point!
Nice write...
Nice write...
on The Small Ones by Dovina
23 Mar 2007, 9:34 PM
Middle-age takes another step toward the doddering of those past thinking, while the young, who survive become the wise - all heads now nodding.
Fabulous write and imaginative story-telling.
Fabulous write and imaginative story-telling.
on Whispers the Pariah by Enkidu
23 Mar 2007, 9:41 PM
Nice/twisted/descriptive and fast!
I like the suckling as it feels like the shore is a parasite on the mountains it washes upon.
Not sure about using 'from' in the line...bursts from within...Reads just as well without, humble opinion only.
I like the suckling as it feels like the shore is a parasite on the mountains it washes upon.
Not sure about using 'from' in the line...bursts from within...Reads just as well without, humble opinion only.
on Thinking for you by J.B. Manning
23 Mar 2007, 9:52 PM
Just Out! Standard answer...
did you forget the 'e' in slime?
did you forget the 'e' in slime?
on some deleted poem
23 Mar 2007, 10:01 PM
Hmm.....too many words used over..You was established early on, probably no need to keep repeating it. love-grew/beard-grew, too closely together I feel. I get the images, and the context, very creative..maybe work better as a free-verse piece.
on Hairball by jessicazee
24 Mar 2007, 8:31 PM
Nice images, well I say nice because it appears without force, as for the actual image..real nice!
on the magic rock by nypoet22
24 Mar 2007, 8:35 PM
You could lost the 'but'...always seems a way of apology for what went before. Very clever write, and one to hang on the mind for a while.
on Guarded Fool by drnick
24 Mar 2007, 8:39 PM
Love this! So stringent, seems to hold form of a rhyme scheme then loses it, excellently played out, not only in words but in the way the mind tries to be bound by form, only to lose it and let it flow...make sense? I usually don't...
on A twisted Trail in Edenâs Garden by Dovina
24 Mar 2007, 8:51 PM
Choices and hindsight, glimpses of hidden possibilities all written here. Not 100% sure of the meaning, but I appreciate what it brings to me.