god'swife
on OK, I apologize - it's steaming shite and no mistake, but it was the best I could come up with on the spur of the moment. I'm off to slit my wrists now, since writer's block has sent me spiralling into the depths of the deepest depression in human history... by Yardbird
11 Apr 2003, 10:11 PM
My writing sucks.
god'swife
on OK, I apologize - it's steaming shite and no mistake, but it was the best I could come up with on the spur of the moment. I'm off to slit my wrists now, since writer's block has sent me spiralling into the depths of the deepest depression in human history... by Yardbird
11 Apr 2003, 10:09 PM
Haha hohohohohohoho.....heheheheheee.
That was great!
Been There ALOT. -10-
The wording at the end is a bit confusing. Try keeping to one tense per line(i.e. and why everything we did or said just hurts us more) either drop the s on hurts or change did and said to do or say. Lose the "it" and/or the "right" in the last line. They just muddle your point.
Somebody has been to block buster recently. Sounds a little too close to the movie. There are only 9 I hates tho. Why not add one and be that much closer?
Belly grabs me, and casket.
Great use of the sound in words.
black & white
stripped, and pinned.
eerie upright...
close, hide, awaken.
the way her eyes darkened.
your words are beautiful. They ring, like a peal bells, or laughter.
suckmychucks
on OK, I apologize - it's steaming shite and no mistake, but it was the best I could come up with on the spur of the moment. I'm off to slit my wrists now, since writer's block has sent me spiralling into the depths of the deepest depression in human history... by Yardbird
11 Apr 2003, 9:13 PM
this limerick makes me want to hurt myself.
timing is everything and you have nothing.
you've really outdone yourself this time...
Why?? To be honest your not worth that much of my time. I gave you about 30 seconds out of my busy morning, which is quite nice of me I'd say and even that was too much.
thanks for the cookie. now edit your sentences before you stop breathing for 50 seconds at a time.
suck my pimpled cornhusk, you fuckin pseudo-masochist.
hang myself? wanna watch? oh yeah? you like that? YOU LIKE THAT??
Thanks. This is as minimal as it's gonna get. I'm fairly happy with this revision.
this is one nice romantic poem and by the way you don't need to concentrate much on the rhyming of the poem,many of good poems don't rhyme,modern poetry doens't stand on rhyming so just feel like fre to write don't limit yourself with a usuage of words. i give this 6,pretty good work
something about it touches me alhtough i can't really tell whut.
i loved the way that you seem to ask her something(if i touch you,could i be enlightened) but matter of fact is you are more of asking your self,i liked the way you are trying to kill the ghost of you father who is trying to keep you away of the light you are searching for. "there is no shame in holding myself" this sounds like you are tring to convince yourself.i give it 10,awesome work.
"Mum would find company in loneliness"
"Everything looks perfect in a Silver frame"
"The King of bastard pawns ashamed of his crown"
i liked these most of all,each one made a vision itself.i give this 9
You're right. I couldn't ever give them enough credit. Just can't give enough. Just can't give enough. (doot doot doot, doot doot do do doo). I love it when Elton John sounds like John Lennnon. That's poetry. I'd love to hear John Lennon sing "Crocodile Rock".
the last 3 stanzas are realy what makes this poem,and i liked using the (I remember) at the begining of a new line.i give it 7