on Penumbra by klosterfobik
27 Aug 2004, 2:56 PM
another one for the love/above list!
I like 'clandestine comet'.
I like 'clandestine comet'.
on Eagledale Drive by klosterfobik
27 Aug 2004, 2:54 PM
very evocative, though I find I want to know more how you were lost. Is it just the time?
I like the line "Can you believe the gray wind of used to be and winter?"
"simple perfect" -> "simple perfection"? Or are you making a grammatical pun of some sort that I'm failing to get?
I like the line "Can you believe the gray wind of used to be and winter?"
"simple perfect" -> "simple perfection"? Or are you making a grammatical pun of some sort that I'm failing to get?
on A Piñon Planter by Dovina
27 Aug 2004, 2:51 PM
cute. odd. definitely a difficult subject matter to try to make someone take seriously. Delving into the bowels so explicity does not do it for me, I think. Bits here and there don't cohere for me.
on Rapid Eye Movement by wilco
27 Aug 2004, 2:49 PM
I think the title is too ... blatant ... for the rest of the poem. The poem is very nice. Agree with the semi-awkwardness of "nothing makes the night seem lonely like". Maybe just "nothing makes the night more lonely than"? Thoughts.
on Beached (Or how I learned to give up the day) by Jeremi B. Handrinos
27 Aug 2004, 2:47 PM
very cute. tightly done. silly, but tightly done and in that silliness is a nice contrast.
on Internal Dialogue (Mental Cock-Slapping & Anal Discipline) by DreamerSupreme
27 Aug 2004, 11:03 AM
boring and repetitive.
on Oh So Hollow by etherealmaiden
27 Aug 2004, 11:01 AM
the flow is very solid; the content blase.
on Countervail by D. $ Fontera
27 Aug 2004, 10:59 AM
I don't think I really get what this is saying.
on Smoking Skies by Enchantres
27 Aug 2004, 10:57 AM
breath -> breathe; it's -> its
the rule to put a comma wherever you want a breath is simply wrong.
the rule to put a comma wherever you want a breath is simply wrong.
on Hold and hold me hold tight by somemorepoetry
27 Aug 2004, 10:55 AM
this is pretty cool. I was a bit worried by the gimmick early on, but... it flows nicely; definitely captures something and shares it. :)
replying on Where Have Equality Slipped Off To? by TLRufener
27 Aug 2004, 10:54 AM
agreed.
on Through Your Frown by Blindpoetry
26 Aug 2004, 2:53 PM
the flow/rhythm of this is lacking. the idea--I think I get what you're saying, but it takes inspection. The telling and showing seem to be confused--the telling superfluous, except tha the showing is hard to understand--but even then the telling doesn't help as much as it could. I'd say work more on visualizing what's going on--try to think a little less.
on Swimming in Space & Fishing for the Luridness Monster by SupremeDreamer
26 Aug 2004, 1:16 PM
too much cliche, even if it does contain some of my favorite words.
on Knowledge has such high demands by Torok
26 Aug 2004, 12:28 PM
I carry my possession that you possess to church every day? I think this is supposed to be a semi-riddle on knowledge, but I do not see how to put all the pieces together.
on faces unknown by daggatolar
26 Aug 2004, 12:26 PM
"stairring" is something I'd never contemplated before.
I really have _no idea_ how to read this. The words seem to strive for an entire lack of coherence.
I really have _no idea_ how to read this. The words seem to strive for an entire lack of coherence.
replying on today the world is beauty by nentwined
29 Jul 2004, 1:49 PM
I wasn't really seeing any 'pretend' in the world. It was more an appreciation of nature's beauty than man's... and how I as a man (and more particularly as the man I am) couldn't hold a candle to the flame of a candle, or the simplest flower; and how even household names are nowhere near as long-lived as common grass. And things such as that. Perhaps.
on Occam's Razor by Quarton
2 Jul 2004, 11:51 PM
cute. a bit wordy, and I know the poem's about one facet of that, but I still didn't want to wade through the whole thing; rhythm's a bit off for me in several places.
If you meant this seriously, and I see that you don't, I'd have to argue that Occam's Razor is only towards the simplest _sufficient_ explanation, and that would apply to the simplifications you make--they're context-dependant, and so it's hard to see whether they're overly-simplified or not in usage. ;)
Points for the blend, though.
If you meant this seriously, and I see that you don't, I'd have to argue that Occam's Razor is only towards the simplest _sufficient_ explanation, and that would apply to the simplifications you make--they're context-dependant, and so it's hard to see whether they're overly-simplified or not in usage. ;)
Points for the blend, though.
replying on today the world is beauty by nentwined
2 Jul 2004, 11:56 AM
You know, I think you nailed it.
Today, I feel like a baby infant.
Today, I feel like a baby infant.
I like. :)